Yes, so. Today has been the epitome of a west Texas day. A nothing day. But I am going to tell you all about it anyway. Why? Because your day probably hasn't been any better.

Well, I can't exactly talk about beginning the day before I talk about the dream I had before the day began. I can probably describe it in a couple of sentences. There was a tile wall, with sporadic patches of color on it, and I knew that this wall was, in fact, my boyfriend Joshua. So, naturally, I make out with the wall. It was great. A dream, of course, so my sensory impression was of kissing my boy, but I saw a cold tile wall. Am I sexually attracted to walls? Is my boyfriend putting up a sexual barrier? Is there already a sexual barrier in that we live five hours away from each other and this was my hormone filled body crying, "please, feed me!"?

Whatever. But I will admit that I have a newfound affinity for colored tile.

So, I pop out of bed and commence my extensive new oral hygine routine. Since I had my braces removed yesterday, my routine has taken on a few new dimensions. The only reason I put this here is the fact that I am quite proud of the work I have to do to keep my teeth in tip-top shape, and I want the world to know!

1. Remove retainer. Brush retainer with toothpaste and toothbrush. Rinse retainer.

2. Brush teeth.

3. Floss teeth.

4. Gargle and swish with salt water solution. Rinse with water, and repeat.

5. Gargle with mouthwash.

6. Put bleaching gell in retainer with syringe.

7. Dry teeth with towel. Insert retainer

8. Smile and show the world my awesome pearly-whites!

Now, I need to address something very serious. If any of you, spare my slightly neurotic boyfriend, just read the above list, and especially if you paused after and thought to yourself, "my what an impressive amount of work she must do..." or in fact thought anything at all, please complete the following steps.

1. Move out of your parents' home. You are thirty-five, man. You can learn to do laundry.

2. Expose yourself to sunlight once daily. A deficiency in vitamin D will kill you, you pasty little automaton.

3. Do whatever it takes to have sexual intercourse as soon as possible. If you have a stringent moral code, get married to the first amish woman you see. Then you will have given up one thing you do not need, and recieved a healthy work ethic and semi-regular fornication in the works.

Ah, thanks for indulging me on that little crusade.

Tonight, Joshua, my incapacitated boyfriend and I, spoke. Although not much, because he had gotten into the vodka, again. He let an eccentric, fat, balding man lecture him on the evils of phone sex. A man whose wife was alone, asleep in another room, while he played an early technology video game that probably wasn't even worth the electrons it was composed of. But in the end, if his friend couldn't win him over by way of his conscience, he won him over by way of liquor.

Now, consider it: fat balding man and vodka, or frisky girlfriend?

Yeah, I know, he made the right choice in the end.

Hardy har har. Joshua, darling, I love and adore you. I know you were inebriated, because actions speak louder than words. ;)

So, in lieu of above said activity, I designed a template for the journal that he just started here, called anathemic. His writing reminds me of how very alike we are. His first day writing in his journal, he had four lengthy entries. Does that sound like anyone you know? Anyway, we agreed that our pages should look almost identical, to be couplish, but he picked the colors and the title and I went with a few variations. I also set up an imood account for the poor soul, who right now, without being aware of it, is feeling, "bootylicious."

There are ways to exact small revenge. Anyway, check him out if you like, I promise, no hygene reports.