I have been dating my boyfriend, Joshua James Bivens, since April 28, 2001.

This evening, we had a turbulent little conversation. I was showing him the short story, "On Coming Forth by Night : A True Hallucination." (This is described in further detail in the entry prior to this one.) I was very enthusiastic about the story and was quite disappointed when he did not return my enthusiasm. Our arguments always begin like this. An undesireable reaction, some miniscule change in tone. Then they escalate. I begin to pile things on top of other things and he becomes increasingly lost.

Tonight, when he didn't share my zeal, I told him that I felt as though his enthusiasm had been dropping steadily ever since he began college. He attends New Mexico Tech, where I will begin after I graduate on January 14, 2002. Eventually, I was in tears (as I frequently am, such a fragile little thing) and he had decided, much to his relief, that being at college was like having an extended family, and when he speaks to me (always late in the evenings because of our schedules) all of the meaty stuff has already been discussed.

And then he said, "I feel so much better. I am glad we had this conversation." That broke all my tensions at once. It was so hilarious. He sounded so genuinely relieved. The conversation had left us in antipodal realms emotionally, and this became comically obvious to me as I pictured charicatures of our individual reactions to the same topic.

Then he said, "You cry like Meg Ryan in 'When Harry Met Sally'. I actually had to put down the phone the other day I was so smitten with you. It is so adorable... you are so feminine and cute that you actually squeak."

That shifted me from distraught to relieved to... well, smitten. I finally joined him on his side of the conversation and with that resolved, we said our goodnights and I love you's.

After that, as if to solidify that he truly understood that I needed him to be more attentive to my concerns, he called me back.

Caitlin : Hello?
Josh : Um, hello?
Caitlin : (relieved) Hi. I am so happy that you called back.
Josh : (laughs)
Caitlin : Why did you call back?
Josh : I just wanted to wish you good luck on your SAT's tomorrow...

Even I had forgotten about my SAT's. How lovely and thoughtful.